In an almost unheard-of leap of socio-economic genius, the Universal Studios Corporation has unwittingly solved the global energy crisis single-handedly. Today, March 2nd, 2012, marked the nation-wide “power-on test” of the newly created Seuss-Torque Irony-Fueled, Perpetual Motion Generator, affectionately named “LORAX” by the team’s creators.

Shown in the image above, the LORAX Generator’s mechanical layout is quite simple. It consists of a driveshaft connected to the perpetually spinning corpse of Theodor Seuss Geisel, known to the world as “Dr. Seuss.” This driveshaft is connected to a series of electric generators, similar to the way in which a hydro-electric dam works, only much, much more powerful.
Up until the concept of using a character who stood as a warning to consumerism that could devastate the environment as a mascot to peddle SUVs, disposable diapers, and a host of other green-washing products, perpetual motion was deemed “impossible” by all understandings of modern science. While it is not currently known as of the writing of this post whether the move to generate unlimited amounts of renewable energy through their marketing campaign was intentional or a fortunate accident, Universal has quickly seized the opportunity and has begun recruiting theoretical physicists from around the world toward harnessing as much power as possible from the phenomenon. While currently only in preliminary investigation stages, the new team has released the following statement:
“It is not immediately clear as to the cause for Seuss’s remains to begin such rotational movement, however, our hypothesis is that it is caused by an unbelievably intense field of localized irony. This irony-field is not only responsible for the movement, but also for the extraordinary amount of heat being released. While not visible or tangible in everyday life, under these very unique conditions, the environment was just right to set this phenomenon in motion.”
Despite a successful nation-wide debut, the LORAX Generator has also created a fair amount of public distaste and concern, citing the nausea-inducing effects being felt by many in the population. As more and more people begin to question the long-term effects of exposing ourselves to such strong levels of irony, we should keep a close eye on this as events unfold.